I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
