YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
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