Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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