So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
