Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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