i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
