im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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