Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
