Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You are a genius and a whore.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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