I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
