she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
