Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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