I wish life had little blips of pornography
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
