I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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