happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
