the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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