my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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