Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
