I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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