Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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