I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
