Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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