I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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