remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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