Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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