I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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