is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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