I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
