i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
