don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
