I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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