I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
