is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
