The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
