it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize