Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it glows. i had to have it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
