Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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