Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have already put on my inside pants.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
