he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
