I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
