And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
