I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY