Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.

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  (816): Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth. http://tfl.nu/la0a
  Replies (9) Good night (3028) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?

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  (850): Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today? http://tfl.nu/xk43
  Replies (54) Good night (1097) Bad night (4657)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex

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  (312): Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex http://tfl.nu/n8r5
  Replies (20) Good night (4427) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online

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  (516): You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online http://tfl.nu/xicc
  Replies (11) Good night (4148) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.

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  (724): are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations. http://tfl.nu/i5jg
  Replies (12) Good night (1639) Bad night (4084)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.

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  (412): You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats. http://tfl.nu/gybz
  Replies (35) Good night (1429) Bad night (4191)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.

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  (708): This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major. http://tfl.nu/bo8s
  Replies (10) Good night (3243) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.

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  (360): Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything. http://tfl.nu/kqmn
  Replies (15) Good night (5518) Bad night (1684)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.

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  (570): He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this. http://tfl.nu/9z6q
  Replies (18) Good night (4413) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.

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  (503): I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day. http://tfl.nu/c6qn
  Replies (12) Good night (1663) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.

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  (810): He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me. http://tfl.nu/paz8
  Replies (24) Good night (3211) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE

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  (330): I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE http://tfl.nu/air0
  Replies (4) Good night (1420) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me

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  (614): you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me http://tfl.nu/5ifz
  Replies (4) Good night (688) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.

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  (561): I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left. http://tfl.nu/6w8g
  Replies (4) Good night (1082) Bad night (335)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.

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  (859): Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people. http://tfl.nu/v0oj
  Replies (5) Good night (949) Bad night (386)

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