he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You coming home soon, man?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher