I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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