If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
