He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We have so much sex to catch up on
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
