Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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