I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
