Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My penis needs a shock collar
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I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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