Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
