my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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