someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
