I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize