Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
