WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
