he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
