hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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