while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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