I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
