We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
