So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
