i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
