If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
