We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
