hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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