I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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