Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
