I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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