Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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