I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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