I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
