found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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