If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
