Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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