Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
