he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
