You just made me feel so damn special
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
