My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You're completely useless in the revolution.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
