I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
