Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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