I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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