i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
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Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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