I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
