new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
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I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.