he thought i was a dude.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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