I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...