that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
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I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
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I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...