I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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