Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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