Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.

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  (301): She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle. http://tfl.nu/0dzx
  Replies (32) Good night (900) Bad night (4241)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room

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  (201): i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room http://tfl.nu/urin
  Replies (4) Good night (4169) Bad night (966)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?

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  (703): You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl? http://tfl.nu/mavc
  Replies (75) Good night (3563) Bad night (7352)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.

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  (401): you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it. http://tfl.nu/ggt5
  Replies (11) Good night (4610) Bad night (1456)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.

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  (860): Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth. http://tfl.nu/vl66
  Replies (16) Good night (1504) Bad night (5986)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.

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  (609): That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me. http://tfl.nu/oade
  Replies (4) Good night (1040) Bad night (3565)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.

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  (814): Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis. http://tfl.nu/uw51
  Replies (5) Good night (2269) Bad night (868)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.

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  (403): Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out. http://tfl.nu/zi3g
  Replies (18) Good night (2248) Bad night (1150)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.

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  (314): I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over. http://tfl.nu/eyog
  Replies (3) Good night (793) Bad night (1299)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  possibly by boat

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  (610): he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him (610): possibly by boat http://tfl.nu/q00b
  Replies (3) Good night (1181) Bad night (520)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."

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  (303): I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions." http://tfl.nu/0cl8
  Replies (3) Good night (903) Bad night (544)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals

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  (413): He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals http://tfl.nu/hgzz
  Replies (4) Good night (1172) Bad night (570)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.

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  (216): So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it. http://tfl.nu/9k8u
  Replies (0) Good night (672) Bad night (257)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...

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  (410): When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background... http://tfl.nu/noyn
  Replies (1) Good night (347) Bad night (354)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.

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  (706): I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there. http://tfl.nu/yj1a
  Replies (4) Good night (452) Bad night (206)

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