put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.